Hurricanes on Multiple Fronts

I wasn't writing much because I was knee-deep in preparing for one of the most difficult things a mother like me can do: Getting my kids ready to leave home.  Michael had graduated from college, was accepted by the Peace Corps, and had an assignment in Nicaragua. Katie had been accepted to the New York Film Academy.  My little unschoolers were ready to go off to explore their dreams. Unfortunate for me that they couldn't do this a little closer to home, but...roots and wings, right?

Sue's Meticulous Plans

So my little house of cards was set up. After shopping and packing and prepping - and lots of tears from mommy - we had a plan! I'd take Katie to NYC on a Thursday, we'd stay together for a day or two, find the grocery stores nearby, practice on the subway, etc. She'd check in on Sunday, I'd fly out on Monday. I'd be home in time for some last minute time with Michael, who would fly out of Austin on Tuesday morning at 6 a.m. Short, fast, do-able.

Slight glitch. I had forgotten about Alyssa's first fashion show with Avenue Five. It was scheduled for Friday night. Luckily, Priceline was lovely and simply changed my departure date to Saturday morning. We'd all go together to the fashion show, along with family, friends, & Alyssa's boyfriend's family. We'd pack ahead of time and be ready to go out the next morning, 8 a.m. That would leave one day for Katie and I to figure it all out, but we could do it. Packing it in was our style anyway, right? Crisis averted.

And what is bad when you build a little house of cards? A breeze.
My breeze had a name:  Hurricane Irene.

 We had been watching the hurricane on the news, but it seemed so unlikely that it would hit NYC.  We looked at it as an adventure that Katie would be sharing with her roommates, and they'd always remember that they were the group that blew in with Hurricane Irene. It was starting to look a little ominous that I might not be able to get back on Monday, in time to see Michael off, but I *could* get Katie settled before the storm arrived. Michael had traveled before, so that's how I prioritized it. Still, I wasn't that thrilled with the idea of missing him.

As we were all dressed and walking out the door to the fashion show, Katie received a text from the dorm in New York: "Evacuating residents. Registration/Check In for Sunday is CANCELLED."

I could regale you idioms like "best laid plans of mice and men" or other such things. But my brain was on overload.  I picked up the phone and called the dorm, "Really?? I just spoke to someone there saying that the kids COULD check in, changed the flight, etc." They were really patient with me, because I must have sounded like a lunatic wanting to send my child INTO a  hurricane!  I was like a hurricane in reaction to a hurricane! We knew that the mayor had decided to shut down all public transportation. Our car service emailed saying that if you can get here, we will drive you anywhere that's available. But the dorm guy said, "Listen, it will be very unlikely that you'll even GET a flight to come into JFK tomorrow at all. But if you get her here, we'll take care of her. Everyone didn't evacuate. And it is the north end of Manhattan."

 So we stuck our head in the sand for a couple of hours.

We went to the Fashion Show, unsure of what our next 12 hours would look like. How does one predict the path of a hurricane anyway? The show was awesome. Alyssa did some great work on the models. We skipped going out for dessert afterwards, and just ate ice cream at home with the family, Grandma, and Josh.  Turning on the computer, we discovered that the dorm guy was right, all flights to JFK were cancelled.

Ron could see that I was dangling from the end of my rope. So he sat on the phone for hours, first  trying to reach Priceline, then trying to figure out the best flight to rebook.  I tried to cancel the pricey hotel I was going to stay in, but because I used a service to book it, they couldn't unbook it. I had visions of being charged anyway.  Suffice it to say I have no extra money laying around. I canceled the car service and rebooked it to the later date Ron was able to get.

The next morning, I could get the booking service for the hotel. They were working from their homes because they had all be evacuated. No charge, no problem. Whew.

So after all of this chaos and drama, everything worked out. Just like a hurricane - crazy wild when you're in the middle of it, then the next morning, the sun comes out, and if you're as lucky as we were, it looks like nothing ever had happened.

Michael's flight to D.C. wasn't canceled, and I was able to take him to the airport to go off on his adventure.  While I have received a couple of emails from him since then, his last text to me as he was boarding the plane from Miami to Nicaragua was, "Off I go, into the wild blue yonder..." Air Force people will know that line. Mothers do not like to hear that though.


Katie got to spend more time with her boyfriend. We left on Wednesday, and got her settled. We checked out a few grocery stores together, ate at some cute cafes, and then I came back the next day. She figured out everything else  on her own, no problem.
I, on the other hand, cried in the car all the way back to JFK airport. The driver kept looking at me in the mirror, but stayed silent. Probably for the best.

I love my kids. I love their sense of adventure. I KNOW where they get that! But sometimes I wish we could scale it down a bit. Don't some kids just move out into an apartment nearby? Would that have been too much to ask???

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.

See Genius!

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world...are the ones who do."

I absolutely love this video. It comes from the Humanity Healing Network. The writings are from Jack Kerouac. Doesn't this make you think about raising children to be who they are MEANT to be? Not just "successful" or "likeable" or "employable"...

It makes me think that our whole purpose as parents should be to help them get so comfortable in their own skin that they can do what they've been put here to do. No fear. Eyes open.

Cydney reminded me that a smaller version of this was part of an old Apple computer commercial. No wonder it seems so familiar.

What Should They Learn?

I read a blog about "What should children learn?" They were trying to think outside the box. They wondered if the focus on traditional subjects is really all that important. Seeing the responses was interesting. I had an inkling that my list would not resemble too many others, but with 3 teenagers, and 2 grown step-kids with children of their own, here's what I think are the most important things children should learn:

• Kindness and compassion. Learn how to put yourself into other people's shoes.  When everyone else jumps on a bandwagon against something someone did, hold back a little bit.

• Live in the moment. Realize that there are about 16 waking hours in a day. And when they're gone, they're gone. There's nothing wrong with having a little "down time" but make sure you have some "up time too."

• Listen to people when they talk to you.  Give them your full attention.  Think about what they're saying but also why they might be saying it to you.

• Learn healthy eating choices and find exercise that you like and can do nearly every day. You're going to be in this body for a while - longer if you take care of it

• Learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Do something about or with both. Take time to get to know yourself.

• Learn about the nature of advertising and marketing. 

• Learn how to pursue your interests. Learn how to find information on the internet.

• Be brave. Try new things. You never know what you might actually like.

These are what come to mind when I think about what children should be taught.  In school curriculum, I think they call these "threads." They are supposed to permeate different subjects year after year. I like the idea of these topics being the important threads.  I believe the reading, writing, and math will present itself.  And if you need these more traditional "subjects" for a job you'd like to pursue, that's why we have community college.

Gratitude Journals

Let’s face it. Teenagers are on a roller coaster when it comes to their emotions.  It’s so easy for them to get swept up in the drama of day to day living.  This easy tip will help raise their spirits if it’s a particularly low day, and help reinforce the good if all is going pretty well. Not to mention, it's a good life skill to carry you forward into adulthood. It's not like rocky roads happen only in adolescence!  Parents just need to give teens tools to help them cope.

Start a  gratitude journal. Maybe something nice from the local bookstore. Or maybe just a spiral they can keep near their bed. But the ONLY thing that should be recorded in this particular journal is gratitude.  

The whole process should only take a few minutes before bed. Sit still and think about how the day went.  From start to finish.   If you begin to think of something that went wrong, for this little span of time, put that aside for now and keep the focus on what went right. After walking through the entire day, list at least three things to be grateful for.

Here are a few questions to maybe think about.

Who did you see?
Who did you talk to?
Did you read anything that made you feel good?
How was the weather?
How were your pets when they saw you?
Did you exercise? How did it feel afterward?
Did you watch anything funny happen?
Did you see anything beautiful?
What made you feel happy?
Our entire attitude is affected by what and where we choose to focus.  Hasn’t everyone had the experience where all was well until ONE person did or said ONE negative thing? And then all the good was tossed out the window and replaced with an overwhelming feeling of discontent?  So, instead of being swept away by the squeaky wheels in our lives, let’s get back in the driver’s seat. Let’s deliberately pull the positives to the front of our minds. 

Try this for a month. See if it helps.

IMPROV = LIFE

IMPROV = LIFE

So today didn't start out great. Actually, it's been several days of not-good. But sometimes, when you get to the end of your rope, and you're just hanging there, you can look around. And if you CAN, you can see. Or you can hear. Or something you already knew can come back to the surface...

My friend Teresa just called to tell me about this great Improv Class that her kids are taking downtown. She said the teacher just had so much great positive energy she wanted to tell me some of the stuff she heard. Teresa said, "She's talking about IMPROV, but I think it's way more than that."

 Look what the Improv Teacher says...

....Say Yes to everything and then just add on to it.

... REALLY Listen to each other!

.... It's all about failure. It's gonna happen. It's what you do with it that makes it good. So laugh it off and turn it into something good.

... Keep moving. Keep moving. Keep moving forward.

... Stay flexible. Changes can come at you quickly, so staying stiff won't fly.

... No stopping and dwelling.  You throw stuff out and keep moving on.

....There are no Buts in Improv


Indeed. Life really is made up of Improv. One Improv act after another. The audience always thinks there are no rules. But there are. Because GOOD Improv follows a few basic steps. Just a few. I can handle a FEW rules.

I think I'm about to improve my Improv act. ;)

Who Will Teach My Children to Read

Reminds me of The Little Red Hen....who will help her? She did it herself.

So often people wonder how will a child learn to read if he/she has no teacher to teach them? I can only share how MY children learned to read. Each of them differently...

For Katie, if we were writing a book,  the title would be "K is for Katie and KMart. " She wasn't that chatty in the car (and we seemed to be in the car alot) We read street signs. And store signs. And signs around displays in grocery stores. All signs, really. And, when they were little, they liked to look for signs that started with same letter their name started with. Like K is for Katie and KMart! We modified it into games, thinking of rhyming words that "go with" the word on the sign. Then you have to look around to find it. Later, they'd quiz me too!

Alyssa, as the 3rd child, was easily frustrated that she couldn't do a lot of things the others could do. She was the latest reader at our house. I guess she probably learned to read fluently by 9-10. She would frequently wander away when I read to them in the evenings. In retrospect, something about all that value on reading made her uncomfortable. She knew she couldn't do it. And she knew that other kids her age, in Girl Scouts, or the homeschool group, could read and she couldn't. So, just like with Katie, I tried to sit down with her to do BOB books or Sing-Spell-Read-&-Write books. She had trouble remembering words because her head was so clouded with frustration with herself. The most heartbreaking moment was when she said with tear-filled eyes, "It's because I'm blonde - really blonde. And I'm really dumb - just like they all say in the jokes." Heartbreaking for any mother to hear. Of course I reassured her that that was NOT so, and she'd be able to read whenever she wanted to learn. We talked about how when you're really frustrated with something, you can't hear or think or... anything!

Knowing that she was having this inner struggle, we became incredibly watchful. We never told blonde jokes - but we were VERY vocal about disagreeing with them being said whenever we were around. We weren't in a lot of situations where she'd be asked to read, but when we were, we usually removed her before she even knew what was happening. And so at home, she & I would quietly look at different words and start to decode this reading thing. We started with words that were common for her to say. Then we moved to words that she'd need to read for Girl Scouts or 4H or her animal magazines. No big lesson plans. No "routine". Just real life. And it turned out to be a much calmer less judgemental kind of life. Not that I was judging her, but that she felt judged. Once all that anxiety melted away, she was able to gracefully step over the obstacles.

Now, her reading is primarily online - and her typing skills were incredible! She's a little hesitant to read in front of a group. While that might be a little leftover from being so self-conscious about her reading, I think it's just her personality.

I was on an email list and someone asked how to get their child interested in reading. I think everyone should check out the easy reader section at the library. You might be surprised at what they choose. Mine often chose books that I would have considered a little insulting. But their desire to demonstrate they could "conquer" that book won out... for them. One of my biggest regrets is all the easy reader books I've accumulated over the years. They would read them once and then they were done with it. Since the goal was always "successful reading" because nobody really *enjoys* laboring over a book, we have an enormous number of books collected. The library route would have been MUCH cheaper, taken up WAY less space, and it would have been just as productive.

But the bottom line is find books that interest your child. We had an entire Calvin and Hobbes phase for a while. Don't push books that they're not interested in. It will just make them hate reading and their confidence will drop even further.

Read with them. Find books they love. This will give them a reason to WANT to read!

Sleep Schedules

One thing seems interesting to me from an unschooling perspective. For years, I've let my children sleep however late, and go to bed at whatever hour. Homeschoolers (and schoolers - as the kids used to call them) would ask me, "How will they be able to hold down a job - follow a schedule - adhere to expectations -- if I never impose any on them as children?" Well, it's a non-issue. It's like practicing the act of waiting in line. Or working on eating. Honestly, when they were younger, I'd think, "well, they just won't choose a job that conflicts with their natural rhythm."

But that's not what happened.

They found a job they wanted, and they made their own rhythm cooperate. They are not late to work. I sometimes don't even get up with them! They have alarm clocks. They shower. They manage just fine thank-you-very- much (I don't mean that snappy tone for you all - just my long ago naysayers!) Katie proved this to me a year and half ago when she went to stay with her grandma in Dallas so she could attend a month-long intensive drama program. She got herself up at 5 a.m., checked her email, fixed her breakfast, showered, dressed, and caught the city bus to go downtown. She was 15.

And now they both have jobs at Barnes and Noble. Alyssa goes on cheerleading competition weekends. We frequently stay in hotels and have to get up to be at the competion by 7 a.m. That means she usually needs to start getting ready around 5:45. She jumps right up and gets to it.

So, that's my real life experience with kids and sleep schedules. No one needed to rehearse getting up early. They did/do it when they need to.

Just an interesting little fact... at least to me.