A Blanket of Stars

Ron and I left for the Davis Mountains - he went to go hiking, and I went to work on my book sans interruptions.  As we were winding through the desert, south to Fort Davis, it occurred to me. This might be our first trip to take without the kids.  At first, that didn't really bother me too much. Everyone was busy with their lives, and it would be a nice break away.

So Ron hiked and I wrote and all was well. We made plans to go to the McDonald Observatory for a Star Party.  As the Prius climbed the side of the mountain, I was feeling as if something was out of place.  We got to the Visitor's Center, upgraded our tickets, because they were opening the 36 inch telescope that night. We'd be able to see much more. We boarded the shuttle with 13 other people and off we went. 

The stars were beautiful. You don't really know what "a blanket of stars" really is until you're out in the desert away from all light.   Gorgeous.

And not really something you can take a photo of - it's one of those "you had to be there" moments. 

And it hit me. My kids were not there.

They wouldn't see the color of Jupiter with 3 moons circling. Or Messier #1, or the Crab Nebula, or Uranus, or the center of Andromeda. They'd miss all the explanations of the speed of light and how looking into a telescope is like looking into the past. Those explosions of stars we could see that actually happened years ago. Some of which look the same as they did to astronomers of the 1700's and even Galileo. 

All this learning, and no kids to share it with.  And it dawned on me. Homeschooling my kids opened ME up to learning. After all my years in school, I really had the love of learning beat out of me. I didn't pick up a book to read for pleasure until I was in my 30's.  

Until kids. Then I found fun things for them to experience and learn and wove it all together in 20+ years of my life. I often considered myself the perfect tour guide - we'd move somewhere and I'd find all the cool things we could go explore. I loved sharing these opportunities with my children. 

I even asked Ron, "Do you think we did enough fun things with the kids?" He laughed and began listing out all the adventures:  volcanoes and mountaintops, whales and glaciers, Blue Ridge Parkway and Continental Divide...the list goes on and on.

And now that they're on their own paths, who do I share these opportunities with? I never considered going on explorations on my own or for my own enjoyment. I had never done that before kids.  But I'm still interested in all these little corners of the world.  Having kids and unschooling them, ignited this little sense of adventure for myself. 

So, now, on the top of what's probably one of the highest peaks in Texas, I let the information and the beauty waft over me. I think about how foreign this feels - no kids beside me asking questions or looking for bathrooms or wondering about snacks.  Ron wanders around the telescope, exploring the area, holding the ladder for me so I can look through the eyepiece.  

I told someone that I hope my Motherhood Transition passes quickly.  It's not a comfortable feeling. And me, getting all teary, is even getting on MY nerves!  So I'm trying not to avoid thinking about this process. They say, "lean into the feeling."  OK. That's what I'll do.

The sky is so black up here. And the stars are so numerous they really are like a blanket. And the idea that they've been up there all along. Before me.  When I was kid, looking at them.  When I was a mom showing them to my kids.  And they're still there for me now.  There's something comforting about that.  Kind of like an old blanket.  

Unschooling Blog Carnival

We've decided to revive the Unschooling Blog Carnival!! 
Find out more here!

I have to confess, I didn't really understand these blog carnivals when I first encountered them on different people's blog sites. I had gone to their site to read THEIR posts, but instead, I got a collection of other people's posts. I wasn't unhappy, because I found myself stumbling onto some really interesting bloggers I might have otherwise never found. But, still, I just didn't *get it*.

A few months ago, someone sent me a link to the Homeschool Blog Carnival. They did such a great job explaining it all on their website. And then they provided links that were even more helpful. Next thing you know, I was contributing to their carnival and really enjoying the interactions that were coming from it.

I couldn't help but wonder, "What if it was just unschooling blogs though?" I wasn't really interested in someone struggling with curriculum or trying to making handwriting more fun.  But I did miss conversations with parents that looked at learning as simply a part of life.  No curriculum, no lesson plans, no testing.

I poked around and it seemed that I had missed the boat - or really the Carnival had come to town and I didn't notice! There had been several Unschooling Blog Carnivals over the past few years. Most were being done by parents whose kids were still at home.  Mine were moving on.  But for one reason or another, they were inactive.  The Homeschool Blog Carnival by the Cates family was entering its 6th year though! They obviously had a winning formula for longevity.  And I wanted to see if we could provide the same thing for unschooling blogs.  Granted, Unschooling is a smaller sub-group of Homeschooing, but the writers are smart and prolific!!

And thus the seed was planted and a small plant is forming.  I hope if you've stumbled on my Unschooling blog, you'll participate in the Unschooling Blog Carnival.  Maybe it's because my kids are leaving the nest, I'm having a feeling that we need to stay connected in some way. What better way for UNSCHOOLERS to stay connected than through a CARNIVAL!?!?!?

I'll meet you over at the 

UNSCHOOLING BLOG CARNIVAL! 

Protect Your Creativity

We start out with an abundance of creativity, but over time, it seems to fade.  Many of us recognize now that there are actually forces at work against creativity: peer pressure, schools, competitive society, marketing.  And then the more children are exposed to these destructive mediocre-creating ways, the more our creativity is squashed. Without protection, little by little it would be gone.  One of our jobs, as mothers, is to hold the space for our children's creativity to grow and blossom into whatever it needs to be.

Preserving our creativity is vital - it's the basis of all innovation, progress, and growth. That's why, as unschoolers, we found developing creativity to be more important than learning the times tables. Calculators can do that. But inventing or creatively problem-solving? That can only come if your creativity has been nurtured.



I want to share a few really good articles on the subject that I found out on the web:

Why People Secretly Fear Creative Ideas by Jeremy Dean
Jeremy writes the PsyBlog and contends that there are some very human traits that also work against our creative selves. He doesn't say this, but I think it's easy for us to simply blame school for squashing kids' creativity. And, while I think that it does, Jeremy's piece helps us understand that while we might say we want to promote creativity, our actions often show otherwise. Understanding that we have to overcome our bias against that uncomfortable-ness that comes with doing something new. You might see yourself or  others in some of the descriptions he gives. This will help you with conveying the right message to your children, to others, and even to yourself.

How to Become a Creative Genius by Kim Roach
Kim gives six tips for expanding creativity. Keeping a journal on hand to capture those fleeting ideas, imagining conversations, increasing your reading, mind-mapping, to name a few.

How to Instantly Boost Your Creativity and Happiness by Sandra Martini
Sandra encourages us to take 15 minutes to examine what's blocking our personal joy these days. You might be surprised how that can affect your creativity. I found this article on the Creativity for Life, which has a lot of articles to poke around and read.

AHA! Great Moments in Creativity by Mitchell Ditkoff
 Mitchell shares stories of Rene Descartes, founder of the Scientific Method; Elias Howe, inventor of the sewing machine; Richard Wagner and Wolfgang Mozart, exceptional composers; Rudyard Kipling, famous writer;  Tchaikovsky, Nutcracker composer; Kekule, a Flemish molecular scientist. He gives brief little snippets of each of their lives, and how "great creative breakthroughs usually happen only after intense periods of struggle - even madness."

I think we should spend as much time pondering how to protect our children's creativity as we do thinking about educational experiences we would like to see them have. We have no idea what our children will face in their adult futures. Rote memorization won't really be much of an advantage for them. But creativity and the ability to problem-solve, that is what will be REAL tools we shouldn't be overlooking.

 "The things we fear most in organizations -- fluctuations, disturbances, imbalances -- are the primary sources of creativity." - Alfred North Whitehead

 "To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong." - Joseph Chilton Pierce

 "You can't use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have." - Maya Angelou

I'd love to start a collection of articles about creativity. If you have any you run across, would you consider putting them in the comment box here? I'd really appreciate it!

School or Home?

Should you Unschool/Homeschool or go ahead and send your child to school? Lots of parents struggle with which they want to do. I think if you sit and think about these 3 questions, then compare the school vs. home columns, you might get a clearer idea.

• Think about your own observations of school and the interactions that happen there.
• Think about how time is spent.
• Think about what a perfect school would look like? And then compare it to what is reality.

Go to School	Learn at Home
Confined in building from (roughly)  8 a.m. - 4 p.m. Moves from classroom to classroom, but rarely outside the building	Learning can take place at home or in the community
Children learn from 1-7 adults each day	Children learn from as many adults as needed for the material or experience to be adequately covered
If child and teacher do not get along or communicate well, they may be able to change midyear, but they must stay together until there is a system-wide “break."	If child and teacher do not communicate well and “teacher” is parent, they work it out. If “teacher” is outside tutor, guide, docent, director, parents have flexibility to change that person
Compulsory attendance laws vary from state to state but usually require a student be present at the school for a minimum of 180 days before advancing to the next grade.	“Compulsory Attendance” does not apply since the child lives there. The focus can be on LEARNING instead of simply ATTENDING.
Children stay with a particular class period for around 45 minutes, and change subjects about 6-7 times per day with curriculum predetermined by a school board appointed by the governor.	Learners that are interested in a particular topic can stay with that topic as long as they are interested.  Some families recognize that learning doesn’t really “stick” if they learner is not interested. Learners can learn more like adults learn outside of school, immersion in the topic with  the goal being mastery. Parents and children can together  determine the learning path.
If a child doesn't feel well, they should try to push through and go, unless they have a fever or are throwing up.	If a child doesn't feel well, parents recognize that they won't really absorb much that day. They can rest until they feel better, read a little in bed, drink fluids and get better.
Committees determine what the curriculum will be for ALL the children of the state. Politics plays a part since school boards are elected positions and the budget is met through taxes.	Parents and children can together determine the academic/educational path for the child.  Families can budget for learning expenses. Several families can band together to share costs. Libraries, used book stores, homeschool book fairs and resource sharing can be used.
Family outings or vacations must take place on weekends, holiday breaks, or in summer time. Unless child has summer school, then work around the school schedule. School schedule usually trumps family desires.	Family outings and vacations can be taken whenever the activity is available. Families only have to work with the parameters of the family's other commitments. - Families can choose times that are best suited for the activity   - Families can choose off-season times for better rates and less crowds
Children connecting with same age children is important. Relating to children in other grades is discouraged.  Relating to teachers is in an Authority: Student format Parents are encouraged not to interfere with the relationships the children have at school. This is seen as the child "learning to cope."	Spending time connecting for family members is important, as these relationships last throughout their lives.  Relating to others with similar interests is what matters - not the age. Relationships with adults in a child's life can be varied in format, not necessarily authoritarian style. Parents can easily see the relationships the child has with adults and other children, and adjustments as necessary to help these relationships be as successful as possible.
Physical activity occurs at set times each day, and in whatever form the curriculum has deemed appropriate.	Families can decide what physical activity to pursue. This is not a one-size -tits-all, but instead can be tailored to the individual need of the child
Fresh air: From the car to the building; loitering is discouraged.	Fresh Air: anytime you want it

Should YOU Unschool?

It's hard when you have found something wonderful, and then you come to realize its not going to work for everyone.  


It’s possible that “anyone” can; but many would have to really live outside their comfort zone, learn and adopt completely new communication styles, change their world view, and maybe even spend some time in therapy getting to the root of why they keep making the same mistakes.  Just to name a few.  So, yes, it’s possible that everyone can do this wonderful thing. But are the chances likely?  Slim to none.

I’m talking about unschooling  your child.  So many times people ask questions, trying to identify if they are the kind of parent that can unschool their child and end up with happy independent adult children.

Perhaps we should look at a list. I love lists! What are the characteristics of “good” unschooling parents? And what would be the sign that this style of homeschooling might not work for you?

Unschooling = A Good Fit	Unschooling = NOT a Good Fit
Parents who enjoy being around their children	Parents who really prefer adult contact and look forward to their kids being happily playing …elsewhere.
Parents who look for pieces of their vacations that will inspire and engage their child to learn more about the area or something new	Parents who prefer vacations FROM their children. It’s a good time for them to bond with Grandma!
Parents who work on not having a shocked or judgemental reaction when their kid tells them something shocking that is going on with them.	Parents who really prefer not to have conversations with kids about controversial or difficult subjects.
Parents who want their child to be happy with their decisions about career goals which may or may not include college; and parents who don’t categorize periods of time in their child’s life by the parameters used in schools.	Parents who see college as the only correct decision after “the high school” years
Parents who speak to their children with respect.	Parents who think children need to toughen up so they won’t get their feelings hurt.  Sarcasm and teasing on sore subjects is common.
Parents who enjoy watching their child weigh out the pro’s and con’s of a decision.	Parents who don’t have time for weighing it out and just want to make the decision for the child and move on.
Parents who let their children read books that make them happy.	Parents who create a booklist and want them to finish THIS list, before reading the books that make them happy.
Parents who are more cheerful.	Parents who have a negative outlook/attitude toward life.
Parents who are creative and enjoy adapting ideas to new situations	Parents who get a little panicky if they have to adapt the information they obtained/purchased.
Parents who believe children are good at their core	Parents who believe children are sneaky or trying to get away with something at their core
Parents who trust that their children will learn, just as birds learn to fly and fish to swim.	Parents who struggle with trust and fear that children will take "the easy road and not get around to learning."
Parents who are ok with letting kids play video games all day, because they know it will lead to something.	Parents who cannot stand it when their child TRIES to play videogames all day - what about the learning???
Parents who are ok with a more tangential approach to learning...one thing leads to something which leads to something else...	Parents who prefer to go through their checklists in a more orderly fashion
Parents who see themselves as mentors and role models, allowing their child to “sit with the grown ups.”	Parents who prefer that the kids hang out somewhere else while the adults talk, or they REALLY like the idea of The Kids’ Table at Thanksgiving. ;)
Parents who enjoy and see value in hearing children’s ideas and ways of approaching situations.	Parents who believe children should be seen and not heard, speak only when spoken to.
Parents who want to give their child academic opportunities because it gives them exposure to various learning opportunities and is a way to fuel new interests or strengthen old ones.	Parents who see academic advantages as advantages they want their child to have to beat out the competition.
Parents who want to role model respect	Parents who use an authoritarian approach, and want to be sure their child understands that they must defer to “the authority”
Parents who are comfortable with thinking for themselves	Parents who need a lot of reassurance
Parents who value flexibility and want to learn about life as each day presents itself.	Parents who really like lesson plans, worksheets, and more schoolish things...too much flexibility leads nowhere.

This is my start at a list. I'm sure I'll have more, and then I'll add to it!

I don’t really understand the push to be called an unschooling parent.   It takes a lot of commitment. It takes a lot of trust. And it takes a lot of effort to keep the child's environment engaging and stimulating. If you find that you have more characteristics that fit with the list on right but you still like the unschooling concepts, fear not! Lots of the time, this is simply a trained mentality that you have from growing up in a school setting. It can be undone, or opened up - if that's what you want to do!  Life is really lived in the Present tense, so past traits aren't necessarily the given. And when we recognize past behaviors and want to change them, well, that's the first step.

So good luck with your child as well as your own self-discovery! I hope you have a long happy loving time learning with your children!




**Because I received a little criticism from this post, I've written some more on the topic:
Black and White... or Gray?

A Hands-On Approach to Parenting

For years, we've heard other parents say, "A house full of teens? Good luck!" And they wander away shaking their head, as if you've already lost some battle. True, the teenage years are full of heightened emotions, raging hormones, self-esteem issues, and basically trying to figure out who they are in this world. These are tough issues! So, why, as a society, would we think we need to take a more hands-off approach to raising teens? These years seem to be much more difficult to figure out than those pre-school years, when we were so incredibly involved. But we try to deal with it in all black or white. Either we look away and hope for the best. Or we tighten the screws to keep them safe. 

Neither really work.

Sometimes, a lot of times really, parents are simply too tired to go head-to-head with our teen in angst. And, it's true that if you come back to it in a day or so, lots of the emotion will have blown away and it's easier to get through the day. But the issues are still just under the surface. This is a missed opportunity on so many levels.


Your teen could learn to face their problems head on. They could see that you are not afraid to go into these treacherous waters WITH them.  They could see you're not afraid to stand by them and face the scary stuff that they are facing each day. You could show them that you think their problems are important, even if they seem petty and small to you. They are obviously causing your teen some difficulties. You can let them know that they are important to you and helping them solve problems is part of the job of parenting.

You might have to bite your tongue. Teens want to be heard - who doesn't? They really want to come to the conclusion on their own. So asking questions is better than telling them what should be done. Even if you think you know. Helping them learn to problem-solve is the key. Not doing it for them.

Relating stories from when you had similar situations as a teen might help. Watch their expressions though. You might be really "getting into" your story of your own teen years, and they are tuning out. Not because your story is dull (I'm sure it's not!) but because the shift of the focus went from them to you. They are the one who is in the middle of a struggle. Keep your story brief. ;-)

So often, they think we cannot relate. Or they're afraid we're going to judge them. Or point out their mistakes. These are the pitfalls to avoid in these parent-teen interactions. While it may sound hokey, they need to know that you are coming from a place of love not worry - because worry implies you think they cannot handle themselves. But from love. You want them to be happy. You want to be their safe place they can run to when their friends stab them in the back. You want to be the one who will not betray them. They will come to trust you, share more with you, and value your input. Win-win.