A Long Line of Lake Lovers!!

        Dontcha just love a little alliteration? haha!

1971

But it's the truth. My family comes from the midwest, so we weren't often running to the beach each summer. We were, however, running off to The Lake. As a kid, we'd go to the Lake of the Ozarks with other families in the neighborhood. It was the most wonderful vacation! One of the families had access to a giant lake house. The kids would sleep upstairs on the balcony and in the bedrooms while the adults...well I don't really know where they stayed. We would just go to bed listening to them laughing and playing cards downstairs. Our days were filled with Shasta sodas, open-faced grilled cheese sandwiches, and fishing for perch off the covered dock with various dads as they took turns showing us how to bait a hook and remove a fish without snagging ourselves. Delightful memories!

1922

Later, when I was a teen and well into my twenties, my dad owned his own pontoon boat on Lake Ray Hubbard outside of Dallas. We'd gather friends, pack a ton of food and drinks and moor the boat off a sandy edge of the lake. We'd swim, play on floats, relax and enjoy the sun. It was definitely The Party Boat.


And, when I was going through my mom's pictures during her recent move, I found this one. It must be around 1922. My dad is the small child on the man's shoulders. They were swimming in the lake outside Fort Scott, Kansas.

So, not being one to break with tradition, my kids have had plenty of lake experiences. In Alaska, we spent a lot of time at playing at Mirror Lake or Goose Lake on Elmendorf AFB.  We put a sailboat in at Folsom Lake outside Sacramento and resumed our love of boating.  We'd head back to Texas to sail with Ron's brother Scott and their family on Lake Tawokoni, east of Dallas. And when we moved back to Texas, we'd have a boat at Lake Arrowhead and then later at Lake Travis.  Our family camping trips would always be near lakes or rivers. Ron was the sailor and I was the swimmer - so we must have been hardwired for spending time on the water.

Now that the kids are grown, we're still on the water. And this past weekend, we enjoyed another weekend on the lake. This time, it's Lake Texoma - a huge lake that is on the border of Oklahoma and Texas.  Ron went ahead of us and got the boat ready.  It's big enough for us to sleep aboard, and this was the first time we've all joined him on this kind of sailing adventure! Ron's "New" Boat.

Katie was able to make trades for her work, Alyssa is off on these days. All we had to do was wait for Josh to finish his firefighter shift. Dodging rainstorms all day and evening, Alyssa and I packed the car. Katie had to work the closing shift, so she didn't get home until 2 a.m.  Luckily, Josh was at the fire station near our house, so we were able to be on the road by 7 a.m.! They were all pretty sleepy, so I drove the whole way.

When you have to drive for 4 hours, you have a lot of time to ponder. I missed having Michael with us - he would have stayed awake and chatted the whole time with me.  Katie falls asleep the minute the car pulls out of the driveway. That's only a slight exaggeration - she's just always been this way!  Poor Josh had had calls all night long, so even though he was tired, he just couldn't sleep in the car. Luckily for smart phones, he was able to pass the time looking up all the different fish he'd be able to catch on Lake Texoma, what bait he might need, what the weather would be like, etc.

By Dallas, everyone was awake again.  I felt like a tour guide as I explained what some of the downtown buildings were, and the different parts of Dallas. Growing up there, I had lots of stories of learning to drive there, knowing people from different parts of town, and silly stuff my dad used to tell me as we'd drive around. The kids all humored me!

We made it to the Bait and Tackle shop, kind of a grocery store at the edge of the lake, and bought fishing licenses. Josh has really turned Alyssa into a fisherman! She loves it. Of all the kids, she was the least fond of lakes. She LOVES swimming, but when lake water is murky, she's just SURE some Alligator Gar is swimming near her and about to take off her toes.  Ron was never a fisherman - he's the only person I've ever known that could go on a fishing trip in Alaska when the salmon were running and catch NOTHING. The fish practically jump into your arms then - but not his. So watching her get excited about rods and reels has been fun. Listening to Josh and Alyssa quiz each other about  how to tell a white bass from a largemouth bass and a carp from a catfish is pretty interesting too.

It wasn't long before we had the car all unloaded and Ron was taking us out onto the lake. The kids took turns lounging on the the bow of the boat. The wind wasn't that great so we sailed out toward the dam and took down the sails.  The kids fished a little, but didn't have any luck.  So they pulled out the rafts we had brought, ate our sandwiches, and just hung out on the water. Ron had installed a great new ladder on the side of the boat. But I had major coordination issues and just couldn't seem to master it!  Once again, mom ends up the butt of the jokes for that afternoon - but, hey, I'm used to it!

We started to head back toward the marina, everyone feeling a little sunburned. Just as we took the sails down and decided to motor in for a ways, the wind picked up. So we hoisted the sails again and suddenly took off!

The boat went faster than I had ever gone, and of course, Alyssa got a little panicky. Not being the sailor, I don't know the terminology. Although, it would be a good idea to look it up, because when you have your husband decide to teach you how to sail in a stressful situation, it's not pretty. I know my kids are used to a little shouting when Ron and I trying to accomplish something, but poor Josh. We might have startled him a little when Ron jumped up to do something with the sails and handed me the tiller, shouting,
"Just keep us on course!"

What the heck did that mean? What course?

"Put her into the wind!"
"Huh?"

No, it wasn't that I didn't hear him! And no extra volume would help me figure out the lingo.

"Do you mean pull the stick toward me?"
Well, I won't bother you with the deterioration of that rather loud sailing instruction. Suffice it to say that we've been married for 25 years and our language can get a little "salty" under stress. Have you ever noticed that voices can really carry on a lake? I'm sure people in Oklahoma AND Texas could hear us! Yeah.

So, the boat was heeling (tilting, to the rest of us) - a lot. Katie loved being able to reach into the water on the low-side. Alyssa was sure we were going to capsize and at one point sat on the floor of the cockpit clutching a floating cushion, just praying it would all end quickly. I wasn't really sure what Josh was thinking, but he was trying to learn those sailing terms as quickly as possible! Eventually, Alyssa got used to the speed, and while I wouldn't say she enjoyed going fast, she was able to get off the floor and sit in the seat with Josh.  Ron returned to the helm and continued to instruct us all on what the boat was doing, how it was adjusting to the wind, what we could do.  Josh told me later that he felt like he    
learned more on that little 30 minutes of sailing  than he ever thought he'd learn.  He was even able to take the boat in toward the marina himself!

Tiki Bar with stove and lights

When we came back toward the dock, fish were jumping everywhere! Our fishermen were excited. Luckily, the marina restaurant was closed so we cooked our hot dogs and sausages at the little Tiki Bar on our dock.  This way, they could start baiting their hooks and get fishing! The idea of fishing off the sailboat didn't really work out that well. Even when we were going slow, the bait would drag along the top of the water. It just didn't work right. So they were happy to get the chance to fish again.

Sadly, they didn't really have the right bait for the fish around there. Alyssa caught one little sunfish, and that was it. They were up until midnight running up and down the dock with flashlights and putting their poles into the water at different spots. Huge fish - that they later determined to be carp - were banging into the styrofoam that holds the dock up. They even spotted big Alligator Gar- fearless fish that came over to see what the net was all about.

 Everyone slept well on the boat (sorry for the blurry pic) and the next morning, Ron got up early to cook breakfast and Josh was ready to start fishing again. The temperatures were changing so there was just a little steam on the lake. Josh and Alyssa ended up paddling around the marina in the dinghy, Achilles.  Which reminds me... our 40+ year old boat has had several names and Ron pulled the last one off. He just couldn't see himself sailing Venus. So we're all making suggestions and voting on a new name. In the running are: The SusieQ, O Susanna, AlyKat, AlyssaKate. I think it will end up O Susanna! I'll keep you posted.

        

When I look back at family vacations we've had over the years, they seldom happened in the summer.  But we'd almost always fit a Lake trip in there somewhere - the weather usually being perfect for sailing, swimming, and fishing. Even though the kids are all grown, I'm happy to say the tradition continues!

                                              My little slideshow of the Lake Texoma Trip

For Some People, It's Just Natural

I pondered my options for the June Unschooling Blog Carnival submission. I could share a tribute to my dad, something I wrote last Fall called Holding Onto the Side of the Pool.

Or I could share the photo montage that the kids did for Ron last Father's Day. It was really sweet and if you want to take a little visual walk down memory lane with us, I'd love to snag this opportunity to share it again! So here you go:

But I didn't really feel like that was what I wanted to share. Sure, Ron's a good parent - he's involved, he listens to them (sometimes), he has helped, driven, chaperoned. Heck, once he even agreed to be in one of Katie's plays since he was waiting for her during every rehearsal - probably sleeping in the back row of the theatre. But they needed a Mr. Slugworth in Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, so he took a deep breath and stepped up onto the stage.

Double Piggy Back Rides

Instead, what I really think is remarkable about him is that he is The Quintessential Unschooler. He just loves to learn. It's what he does. And when he decides to learn something, it's full immersion.  Sometimes the kids' interests or opportunities sparked his interest, or his sometimes sparked something in them.

Ron & Michael

When I was busy reading about unschooling and how to raise children, Ron was simply... living. Playing with the kids. Exploring whatever was around.  I followed him around the house, reading snippets from various books. I even bought him Gatto's Dumbing Us Down and Guterson's Family Matters. He read a little and said, "Yeah, well we all know this about schools. Um, we were there." Then he put down the book. He felt no need to have any battle cry go up about the injustices of institutionalized learning. A simple, "Bring'em home," was what I got after a long list of why I thought it would be a good idea to try homeschooling after Michael finished 1st grade.

I continued to connect on the internet, reading and learning about this new world we were stepping into. But all the while, he was simply connecting with our kids on topics that interested them. It was just the natural thing to do. And once they were home so much more, he had a lot more opportunities. More reading, more game playing - more adventures out in the community and out in the world!

Ron & Katie hiking in North Carolina

Never too young to hike Enchanted Rock!

Typical evening...or anytime

Ron's not the kind of dad who just sits around with the remote control and waits for someone to bring him a beer.  His TV watching is deliberate - the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Sons of Anarchy, and his John Wayne & Clint Eastwood video collection. But even with those, he's Skyping with Michael in Nicaragua to talk about Martin Brodeur's latest goal save, or he's playing the Movie Line Game with Katie or Alyssa as they pass through the room. I'm sure you know it... you pick a line from a movie and say it, then the other person has to guess which movie it was. For a while, we had quite an extensive movie watching period, so they could come from anywhere: Monty Python, Three Amigos, Beetlejuice, The Blues Brothers, Jeremiah Johnson.... just to name a few. It used to drive my mother crazy when she'd come to visit. They could spend an entire dinner playing that game! She wanted them to have "meaningful" conversations. I just smiled because I knew the connection that was happening between them was the real goal.

Backyard Hockey with Katie & Michae

When we lived in Alaska, where our homeschooling started, Ron took up hockey. He always enjoyed watching the sport, but he was born and raised in Mesquite, Texas. Not a lot of hockey there. So even though he was 20 years older than most of the guys playing, at 44, he signed up for a little boot camp, and figured it out. He started going to pick-up games, the kids tagging along to watch. Next thing you know, they're all signing up for hockey teams, we're trekking across the state to tournaments,  and even building an ice rink in our back yard!

Dry Ice Experiments turned into Mad Science!

Next stop would be California. Sadly, the ice rinks weren't nearly that important to Californians, so it was time to shift gears. Alyssa and Michael were really interested in horses, so Ron took them to find a stable that offered lessons. He picked the brains of the ranchers and horse owners every chance he got.  The kids were always with him out there, so they watched and listened and learned. He helped Alyssa figure out how to drag feed through the stalls to give to each horse. He bartered for horse leasing, and agreed to help build a giant riding arena. So he and Michael climbed ladders, measured and sawed for weeks until it was finished.  All three learned so much there. 

Michael learning to ride Gilly

Once when they were out riding horses together, they found a little injured barn owl.  He showed 

them how to wrap it up in a towel and get it to the local raptor center. A few weeks later he was taking them out to see it be released back into the wild.

Learning to sail with Katie & Alyssa - Folsom Lake

Ron was always interested in sailing, so while we were still in California, he bought a little Venture 22 sailboat. He and Michael worked and worked on it. All three kids learned to sail at Folsom Lake.  So when the homeschool group in Davis needed chaperones for a sailing charter through the San Francisco Bay, he was the natural choice to step in. Ron, Michael and Katie all sailed on the Gas
 Light, a 50 foot Schooner - what a trip!

Helping Alyssa pet a Bat Ray (Monterey Bay Aquarium)

His interest in history took them to Angel Island for a group overnight trip. His love of science led to a Halloween party full of dry ice experiments.  His fondness for the outdoors took them on mountain hikes, snow cave adventures, camping trips, and beach excursions.

I could list one adventure after another that Ron experienced with each of the kids. But that might take a little longer than a typical blog post. Suffice it to say that Ron did not stand on the sidelines. He was a hands-on, involved dad. Not because someone told him it's good to do that, but simply because it was the natural thing for him to do. The kids were curious - about everything - and so was he. So when opportunities presented themselves, he was right there with them - guiding, listening, and stepping up to "give it a try."

Learning is simply a part of life for him.
For Ron, unschooling the kids was just a natural extension of that.

Just a cute picture of Ron & Michael (1991 Welcome Home)

Following a Passion

When we lived in Alaska, a small horse stable was located on the outskirts of the Air Force base. We'd have to pass it everyday, as we drove in toward the neighborhoods. Alyssa was mesmerized. She and Ron would identify which horses were out in the pasture. As winter approached, the horses spent a little more time in the barns. So when Ron dropped Michael off at Tiger Cubs, he and Alyssa would go to the stables and talk to the horses for that hour. Sometimes they'd talk to the owners, sometimes they'd bring carrots or apples or sugar cubes.

Alyssa was shy around people, but not around horses. She'd walk her tiny self - she was all of about 4 years old - up to the stalls, and pet those enormous horses. Ron would hold her up and she'd rub their faces, speaking softly to them. They'd talk about different horse breeds and how they looked and acted. Soon the owners came to know them, and they'd share stories about their horses.  We thought about how nice it would be someday, to own our own horse farm.

So when the Air Force took us to California after Alaska, we knew we needed to find a horse farm. We couldn't buy one, but we sure could hang out at someone else's! We wanted to find riding lessons for all of the kids; Ron decided he wanted to learn too. He found ManMar Ranch near our home. ManMar was interesting because it was a breeding ranch for the UC Veterinary school. We found a riding instructor named Miss Shirley.  She was from England and wanted everyone to learn English instead of Western. Being a HUGE John Wayne fan family, that did not sit well. Miss Shirley explained that it was a better way to learn. Less leather between you and your horse, means you will be able to read each other better.  So that's what we did. And we decide to learn something, we immerse ourselves. Ron and the kids would offer to help the ranch owner, Liz, with whatever she needed. She had stable hands, but they had a lot to do. Soon, my kids were moving horses from one field to another, bringing them into their stalls for the night, helping with feeding, chatting with owners. When one of the mares was about to have a foal, Liz called us to come up and watch. A miracle in the barn - without a doubt!

The UC Vets let the kids look through microscopes, talked with them about injuries, and explained artificial insemination. They all learned about the dangers of getting too close to the hormone-raging stallions, as well as the mares who were used solely for breeding. They were referred to as the Crazy Mares. I guess you would be too if you were pregnant most of your life! This happens in the horse racing world. Expensive race horses cannot run the risk of a problem pregnacy. So the Crazy Mares do all the work, so to speak.
Liz had shared her horses with us. First it was Pepper (For Dr. Pepper), then it was Louie. Finally she wanted us to try to ride Gilley. He was a Standard bred bay colored horse who had not done well on the track. He was fast, but he was easily spooked at the gate. While that's no good for a race horse, it's not that bad for a family horse. Ron and Michael spent many days there helping them build a covered riding arena, learning how to break in horses - all to barter with Liz, work for boarding costs for Gilley.  Liz loved her horses. So when Alyssa clearly loved them too, they were connected. She even hosted a birthday party for Alyssa out at the ranch, letting all of her friends climb onto different horses and go for a ride.

Katie's interest in horses faded. But Michael, Alyssa and Ron continued their horse love affair. So when the Air Force was ready to move us back to Texas, we decided we had to have a ranch! Boarding costs alone made it sound like a good idea. But really, it was clear that we were bringing more animal interests into our lives. We already had a parakeet, a turtle, a dog, a cat, a guinea pig and some tadpoles that would never morph into frogs (I'll save that story for another post!) So we bought 16 acres on a hill northwest of Wichita Falls, in a community that was just a dot on map: Thornberry. Before long, we acquired 2 more horses, Dolly and Cimarron.


 But we also acquired chickens, ducks, guineas, guinea pigs, goats, cows, a donkey, a bull, cockatiels, parakeets, feral cats and guard dogs.  We built a chicken coop and raised chicks. We learned how the light affects the egg production and how to keep chickens safe from coyotes and bull snakes. We wrote stories about the animals and the various adventures and mysteries that happened on the ranch. The kids bought a breeding pair of cockatiels and started a cockatiel business. They trained the birds so they could be handled and hand-fed and sold the babies to other families. They helped with the birthing of calves, trimmed hooves on goats, and even buried a much loved cat that we had brought with us from Alaska. They bottle-fed kittens that had been abandoned in a neighbor's barn. They learned how soft a donkey's nose is and how stubborn a bull can be. They entered their dogs in 4H competitions, even winning some of them! They learned about horse tack and temperaments. We bought materials to build stalls and run fencing.  The kids shared their information with other "city kids" who had no idea we had only just left the 'burbs ourselves.  We met other horse owners in the ranches nearby. Alyssa even delivered Girl Scout cookies by horseback!  Our kids knew what was safe and what was important on the ranch.

We stayed on our ranch in Thornberry for 5 years. We learned so much there! But the reason I'm sharing this here is because, for us, this was what following our passions looked like.  Ron noticed Alyssa was interested in horses in Alaska and found a way for her to see one up close. Connecting all the dots is something you can see clearly when it's retrospective; but while you're living it, you simply have to step toward the interest and see where you go.  These steps led to a 10 year adventure with animals - for the whole family!

Alyssa was a late reader and didn't retain many math concepts. But she could spot a Thoroughbred and tell you all the difference between a Buckskin and a Palomino. She knew her tack and her horses. It really made me smile to look out the kitchen window and see her pull her horse, Dolly, over toward the hot tub or the fence gate. She'd climb up so she'd be tall enough to hop onto the bare back of the horse. Then she'd ride laps around the house, down the driveway, and around the fence lines. It gave her a confidence that would see her through many of the obstacles she'd face later in life. Our "pets" taught all of them that animals need their human to do a lot of hard work - every day. If it was cold and windy, they still had to be fed. If it was raining, someone still needed to close up the chicken coop door.

But they learned even bigger lessons. They learned that if you love something, it's within your grasp... even if you have to shift some priorities to get it. People might look at you funny saying, "You're going to do what?" But anything is attainable if you walk through the steps to get there.  That is so much more important than long division or reading by 8.

In spite of - or more likely *because of* - this nontraditional approach toward learning, my kids did learn to read and to write.  
     Michael (almost 23) got a degree in Journalism and is a Peace Corps Volunteer. 
     Katie (21) is studying at a film acting conservatory in New York city. 
     Alyssa is completing her cosmetology program, ready to start her career at 18.

The Carnival - Behind the Scenes!

I'm really excited that we could revive the Unschooling Blog Carnival. If you haven't gotten a chance to look at it, please do! It's so funny because I had no idea what a Blog Carnival was just 6 months ago. I remember seeing someone host it - maybe Linda Dobson with her Parent at the Helm?  She had all these links to other people's blogs but I was going there to read more of what Linda writes! I couldn't figure out why I was being redirected to all kinds of other places!

Then I stumbled across the Homeschool Carnival - which has been running for 6 years, WEEKLY!  That is so impressive to me. They were kind enough to let me participate a couple of weeks in a row, I read more from the links at their site, and soon I was up to speed.

For those who don't know, the Blog Carnival is simply a collection of blog posts under a particular theme.   In our case, the general theme is Unschooling. But we've decided that that's too general. We are selecting a theme each month and requesting blog posts to correlate (albeit loosely) with that theme.

For the Unschooling Blog Carnival, we opened with the theme of LOVE.  It was interesting to see how different people interpreted the theme. I really liked how we took a Beatles song - All You Need Is Love - and after pulling the lyrics out, placed the different blog posts near the lyric that fit best. It didn't always work, but it was fun to try to do this with a little creativity. This particular rendition of the song is so great! We just stumbled over it. It has a very Wizard of Oz feeling to me. It starts in black and white and then when John Lennon begins to sing, it moves into a colorized version. And it's not a big staged rendition. There are people sitting on the floor around them - including a very young Mick Jagger! - and they're sitting on stool singing away. In the end, protestors with signs come walking through the song. It's very "60's" feeling; so I just love it!

We were a little worried at first when we didn't have a lot of submissions. I had put the word out on a few Facebook Group Pages, but the submissions weren't coming in very fast. I was visualizing the Homeschool Blog Carnival which has TONS of blog post submissions. I had 3. I thought it would be much easier to contact bloggers, but it turns out that many bloggers don't include their email address at their blog. Was I supposed to just leave a request on one of their posts? I wasn't really sure what to do. Frank had sent a WONDERFUL blog post, but he opened with a comment about his penis. Was I really supposed to lead the Grand Opening of the Carnival with the Penis Piece? lol I asked a few more friends, some came through, others postponed to next time. Nevertheless, just when I was getting seriously worried, the blog posts started coming in. Hopefully, the word about the Unschooling Blog Carnival will spread, and we'll just keep growing it!

And for those who are asking, "OK, but why?" Here's my best answer. I am in this transition time as a mom. My kids are grown and leaving the nest. Yet, I've spent all this time studying, talking, immersing myself in learning. And the most joyful way to approach learning seems to me to be unschooling. So I did the National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) last November - 30 posts in 30 days, I learned a few things about the blogging community as well as about myself. Mostly I learned how shared projects like this can connect people. So that's one of my goals with the Carnival, to increase the connection among Unschooling Bloggers.

I'm working hard to add more creativity into my life. It's my word for the year. Christine Kane writes about "choosing a word" in Resolution Revolution: A Better Way to Start Your Year. Last year, my word was Focus. I had so many things that had to be completed, if I just allowed myself to drift in my typical fashion, I would never have gotten anything done. OR I would have regretted missing things when I pulled my head out of the clouds.  But this year, the word is Creativity.  When I'm working on creative projects, it just makes me more joyful in my life in general. So, January's Creative Project was the Unschooling Blog Carnival.


But one of the true blessings about stepping toward my creativity is that I was able to rope in invite my friend Cydney Romano to help me with the Carnival. She does a little blogging at Recording the Atoms. She is SO creative and I just knew some of that could rub off on me. Plus, after the NaBloPoMo in November, I made a discovery! In addition to being a wonderful artist, Cydney is also an incredible writer.  I'm so happy to have another connection with her! And everyone will be so happy that she's agreed to work on the Unschooling Blog Carnival too!

If I Knew Then, What I Know NOW...

Parents with children older than mine would look at me when I expressed concerns and say, "Don't worry," or "They'll figure it out." Sometimes they'd tack on, "Just have fun with them." They were so right. And I LOVE that they were!

I worried about gaps. I worried about getting into college, or whatever higher learning they'd want to pursue. I didn't want doors to close on them - I wanted them to have all the choices in the world.    And in spite of my lapses in trust, or my occasional meltdowns about facts, they did have every opportunity they wanted.  After a (mostly) radical way of unschooling our lives, they have been able to pursue whatever they want. 

Michael did go to college and actually graduated Magna Cum Laude. He had never written a term paper or book report, and he ended up with a degree in Journalism. And the real reason he pressed hard to go to college was that he wanted to join the Peace Corps, and they required a bachelor's degree. Now he's teaching English in Nicaragua...with the Peace Corps.  

Katie loved performing. It didn't matter where or what. She loved dance, and singing and acting. What started as singing in the mirror on the bathroom counter, progressed to backyard musicals with friends, 4H performances, community theater, commercials and movies.  She didn't study spelling words or math facts and family members worried. "What if she doesn't make it?" "What if she puts all her eggs in one basket and fails?"  Katie once told me, "I have a plan. I don't want a Plan B. Putting any stock in a Plan B means you have doubts about your Plan A. And I have no room to have any doubts. If I ever need a Plan B, one will surface."  I love that about her. This year, she moved to New York and is studying Acting for Film at a Conservatory in Manhattan.  

Alyssa always loved everything Pop: Make-up, music, fashion, gossip.  While she was once passionate about animals, she shifted to more girly things when she got older. She has always been the kind of person that notices everyone's nuances in a room.  She loves to be around people - ALL the time.  She's very pretty, so people often came to her for advice on hair and make-up. After taking a year internship at a natural make-up store in Austin, she enrolled in a Vidal Sassoon Cosmetology program last summer. She'll graduate from that this Spring, ready to launch her career at 18.

Even though they're happily skipping along their own path now, I still wish I could take all the knowledge and experience I've accumulated, and parent with that. I know. No "Do-Overs" in Life. But we could have avoided some self-induced totally unnecessary stress if I had just trusted a little more, realized how resilient children really are, and kept my own disaster mind and negative "what-if's" from spilling over onto them.

I applaud those moms of babies who are reading and learning about unschooling BEFORE they need to know. So many of their school-induced thoughts about learning can be dealt with before their kids are even school age. To deschool themselves before they're in the thick of it will help so much. I didn't know any homeschooling, let alone unschooling, families the year before we decided to take the plunge. The idea that keeping your kids home to learn and live would actually be good for them - and not just an act of self-indulgence by a mom who couldn't let go - was not on my radar at all. I was a complete suburban soccer mom - although then it was T-ball and Tiger Cubs. I was surrounded by moms who were trying to find the right preschool or mother's day out. I only knew people who encouraged distance from children so they could go back to work or follow their own pursuits or just get a little sleep!  No one talked to me back then about leaning into all these feelings that come with having children - the good and the bad.  Because I'm not going to deny that sometimes I felt cheated out of my own time or my own career path or my own hobbies. Not often, but in weak moments, absolutely!

I'm hear to tell you to just lean into the LOVE.  Look at your babies and toddlers and children and teens. See how they trust you. See how they look to you for support. See how you are their rock. Please notice the math: You will probably live to be about 80. Your kids will need you as their sole support for maybe 20 years of that.  That's only 25% of your life. Most likely you're over 20, so you've already spent the 1st 25%, kids are the next. That leaves 50% of your life to pursue whatever you want!  And regardless of your first 20 years, if you REALLY focus on your children for the next 20, the second half of your life will be full of wonderful relationships with them as well as memories and plans for the future.   It will be so much richer for focusing that one little 25% on them.

So here's my list of LOVE.  Some of it I did well. Some of it, I wish I had done so much better. And if you're still raising little ones, you have such an opportunity to learn from our choices and have an even better experience at this.

 

LOVE who they are now. Don't try to shape them. Just sit with them and listen to their ideas. Share your opinions without squashing theirs.  Stop yourself when you feel like you're making judgements about them. Let them unfold naturally. If you focus on the LOVE you can let go of the FEAR.  

LOVE that you have the entire day to do with as you wish. Create a home that is full of excitement and interesting things to explore - be it books or videos or pinecones or magnets.  Play with them yourself. You'd be surprised how your own ability to play can come back.  It's human nature to play with things. It's just that if you had to go to school, you were told to stop playing and settle down in your seat.  In order to succeed in that setting, you had to learn to curb all your enthusiasm.  It might take some time to entice those feelings back. But they're there. 

LOVE that you live in a time and place where so many opportunities abound. Use your community, and the community next to yours! Find cool places to explore.  Learn with your children. Even if you think, "I'm not that interested in that," it's worth a try to check it out. There might be something there that you DO like. Or it might spark a new passion for your child. Show them that there are all KINDS of interesting adventures just outside your door.  And now, looking them up on the internet makes it so much easier to find. 

LOVE that they can go see and touch and hear things in the real world. Children who are tied to lesson plans or curriculum - whether they're in the school or the home - can only read about these adventures. They have to wait to start their exploring later in their life, or after their "real work" is done when their brains are exhausted or worse.   

LOVE their interests. Even if you're not into video games or horses or Justin Bieber or BMXing, love it anyway. Show them you value their choices.  Ask them questions about it.  Nurture their passion instead of putting timers on to say how long they get to enjoy that.  Take them to get that game they're longing for. Ask them what game could you start on to learn what they love. Take them to horse stables.  Take them with a friend to concert of their choice. Drop by the bike shop with them once a week to see what's the latest. Find a magazine on BMX-ing. 

Before you say, I don't want to put more money toward those choices, check yourself. Why not? It's their passion! Even if it's fleeting. It really will lead to something else - it always does. And they will have had the opportunity of seeing that they can look for passions without someone telling them how to find it or where to find it. Or what's a good passion to have and what's not.  Your LOVE will build their CONFIDENCE. And as an unschooling parent, your job is to create an environment for them to learn and grow. They'll need tools to do that.

AND it will improve your relationship. In the end, that's what matters most: the LOVE between everyone in your family.  When there's a disconnect there, look to see what you're afraid of happening.  Because it' all boils down to two things: Fear or LOVE.  Just practice bringing it back to love.  Because learning their times tables by a certain age really doesn't matter that much at all - their phones have calculators on them for that.

"And in the end...the love you take
         Is Equal to... the Love you Make"     ~Paul McCartney