School or Home?

Should you Unschool/Homeschool or go ahead and send your child to school? Lots of parents struggle with which they want to do. I think if you sit and think about these 3 questions, then compare the school vs. home columns, you might get a clearer idea.

• Think about your own observations of school and the interactions that happen there.
• Think about how time is spent.
• Think about what a perfect school would look like? And then compare it to what is reality.

Go to School	Learn at Home
Confined in building from (roughly)  8 a.m. - 4 p.m. Moves from classroom to classroom, but rarely outside the building	Learning can take place at home or in the community
Children learn from 1-7 adults each day	Children learn from as many adults as needed for the material or experience to be adequately covered
If child and teacher do not get along or communicate well, they may be able to change midyear, but they must stay together until there is a system-wide “break."	If child and teacher do not communicate well and “teacher” is parent, they work it out. If “teacher” is outside tutor, guide, docent, director, parents have flexibility to change that person
Compulsory attendance laws vary from state to state but usually require a student be present at the school for a minimum of 180 days before advancing to the next grade.	“Compulsory Attendance” does not apply since the child lives there. The focus can be on LEARNING instead of simply ATTENDING.
Children stay with a particular class period for around 45 minutes, and change subjects about 6-7 times per day with curriculum predetermined by a school board appointed by the governor.	Learners that are interested in a particular topic can stay with that topic as long as they are interested.  Some families recognize that learning doesn’t really “stick” if they learner is not interested. Learners can learn more like adults learn outside of school, immersion in the topic with  the goal being mastery. Parents and children can together  determine the learning path.
If a child doesn't feel well, they should try to push through and go, unless they have a fever or are throwing up.	If a child doesn't feel well, parents recognize that they won't really absorb much that day. They can rest until they feel better, read a little in bed, drink fluids and get better.
Committees determine what the curriculum will be for ALL the children of the state. Politics plays a part since school boards are elected positions and the budget is met through taxes.	Parents and children can together determine the academic/educational path for the child.  Families can budget for learning expenses. Several families can band together to share costs. Libraries, used book stores, homeschool book fairs and resource sharing can be used.
Family outings or vacations must take place on weekends, holiday breaks, or in summer time. Unless child has summer school, then work around the school schedule. School schedule usually trumps family desires.	Family outings and vacations can be taken whenever the activity is available. Families only have to work with the parameters of the family's other commitments. - Families can choose times that are best suited for the activity   - Families can choose off-season times for better rates and less crowds
Children connecting with same age children is important. Relating to children in other grades is discouraged.  Relating to teachers is in an Authority: Student format Parents are encouraged not to interfere with the relationships the children have at school. This is seen as the child "learning to cope."	Spending time connecting for family members is important, as these relationships last throughout their lives.  Relating to others with similar interests is what matters - not the age. Relationships with adults in a child's life can be varied in format, not necessarily authoritarian style. Parents can easily see the relationships the child has with adults and other children, and adjustments as necessary to help these relationships be as successful as possible.
Physical activity occurs at set times each day, and in whatever form the curriculum has deemed appropriate.	Families can decide what physical activity to pursue. This is not a one-size -tits-all, but instead can be tailored to the individual need of the child
Fresh air: From the car to the building; loitering is discouraged.	Fresh Air: anytime you want it

Pay Attention!

Consider these scenarios...

When I was little, I was one of those children who talked a lot and LOUDLY. I can remember my cousin actually turning to my dad saying, "Does she have a volume button?" Obviously, I did not. Nor did I forget the comment. I tell you this because I want you to know that I get it. My mom, who had an exhausting job, would have to come home to this high energy kid who wanted to talk and talk and talk.  I can remember sitting on the floor while she read the paper or a book and just nodded along at me. I'd ask her, "Are you listening?" "Mhm," would be her reply. Nothing more. I knew she was not listening.

When my kids were little, I was trying to juggle a variety of things at once. My kids were around all the time, since we homeschooled. They were ESPECIALLY around if I was on the phone with someone. Which was often. The internet was just taking off and I was thrilled about talking with other moms from around the country.  My kids would ask me questions and bring something to show me. They'd ask me, "Are you listening?" "Mhm," would be my reply. Nothing more. I wasn't listening to them.

Skip forward another decade and shoe is on the other foot. My teens are sitting with me in the car. I'm asking them something about their day. They're texting on their phone. From the moment they walked out the door, we would have a brief moment of kids "calling shotgun" for the front seat, then they'd be back to non-stop texting.  I'd ask, "Are you listening to me?" "Mhm," would be their reply. Nothing more. They weren't listening. 

I give all three of these scenarios because I think you'll be able to relate to at least one of them. No one was doing anything malicious in any of these situations.  And it didn't happen this way all the time. But people were just caught up in the moment.  Everyone has probably been the victim and the ignorer at some point in their lives. Probably at multiple points in their lives.

But I think as parents who want to do better - as PEOPLE who want to do better - we need to adjust ourselves.  Life flies by quickly. At 50, I'm well aware of that fact.  The people who are in our lives are there because we value them.  They deserve our attention. Real attention. That attention we give indicates to them how much we love them, how we appreciate them, how they MATTER in our lives.

It's a habit of laziness really, a lack of thoughtfulness.  It's not being fully conscious about the every day life decisions we are making. I really want to be present for the people that are in my everyday life. And I want them to be present with me.

If your child wants to talk with you, appreciate them. Give them your full attention. They are mentally noting how you interact with them.  It's telling them their worth and your interest in them. And think of how that translates for later in their life...if a mother is not interested in them, who would be? These are big messages we are conveying and so often, we don't even realize it's happening.

Make an agreement that there will be actual conversation with the person in front of you - your child, your partner, your friend. Put down the texting, stop reading your email, don't glance at your Facebook newsfeed. Let people know that they DO matter to you. Look them in the eyes and really listen to them.

What Should They Learn?

I read a blog about "What should children learn?" They were trying to think outside the box. They wondered if the focus on traditional subjects is really all that important. Seeing the responses was interesting. I had an inkling that my list would not resemble too many others, but with 3 teenagers, and 2 grown step-kids with children of their own, here's what I think are the most important things children should learn:

• Kindness and compassion. Learn how to put yourself into other people's shoes.  When everyone else jumps on a bandwagon against something someone did, hold back a little bit.

• Live in the moment. Realize that there are about 16 waking hours in a day. And when they're gone, they're gone. There's nothing wrong with having a little "down time" but make sure you have some "up time too."

• Listen to people when they talk to you.  Give them your full attention.  Think about what they're saying but also why they might be saying it to you.

• Learn healthy eating choices and find exercise that you like and can do nearly every day. You're going to be in this body for a while - longer if you take care of it

• Learn your strengths and your weaknesses. Do something about or with both. Take time to get to know yourself.

• Learn about the nature of advertising and marketing. 

• Learn how to pursue your interests. Learn how to find information on the internet.

• Be brave. Try new things. You never know what you might actually like.

These are what come to mind when I think about what children should be taught.  In school curriculum, I think they call these "threads." They are supposed to permeate different subjects year after year. I like the idea of these topics being the important threads.  I believe the reading, writing, and math will present itself.  And if you need these more traditional "subjects" for a job you'd like to pursue, that's why we have community college.