The Antidote for Animal School: Unschooling

This quote has been circulating through the unschooling community for years. Lately, it recurred on Facebook and several people shared some great links. Some question whether Albert Einstein actually said the quote. But that doesn't really matter. The quote itself has been a huge inspiration to me - possibly one of the reasons why we ended up unschooling our children.  A fabulous wikiquote devoted to Albert Einstein gives so many of his quotes as well as the contexts and people he was actually talking to. It's really fascinating.

You've probably seen the original 1939 story Animal School, by George Reavis. This video, below, modernizes it by taking the story and applying it to beautiful photos of the animals. The creator of the video goes on to include his explanation of which children he sees most correlates with the various animals.  I like his explanations.

"Your child is a Unique Blend of talents, personality and ingredients...

nowhere else to be found. "

I'm happy to say that my kids were removed from the school system early on. Somehow, I was always aware that people were being dealt with like this, as I was growing up. So when I noticed this same one-size-fits-all approach happening with my own child in school, I knew that I had to find a better approach. And we did. We focused on their strengths - something schools are simply not equipped to do. But as a family, you can! My kids have grown up under a completely different paradigm. 

It seems to me that the antidote for "Animal School" is Unschooling. 

Here's what my kids are up to now.

School or Home?

Should you Unschool/Homeschool or go ahead and send your child to school? Lots of parents struggle with which they want to do. I think if you sit and think about these 3 questions, then compare the school vs. home columns, you might get a clearer idea.

• Think about your own observations of school and the interactions that happen there.
• Think about how time is spent.
• Think about what a perfect school would look like? And then compare it to what is reality.

Go to School	Learn at Home
Confined in building from (roughly)  8 a.m. - 4 p.m. Moves from classroom to classroom, but rarely outside the building	Learning can take place at home or in the community
Children learn from 1-7 adults each day	Children learn from as many adults as needed for the material or experience to be adequately covered
If child and teacher do not get along or communicate well, they may be able to change midyear, but they must stay together until there is a system-wide “break."	If child and teacher do not communicate well and “teacher” is parent, they work it out. If “teacher” is outside tutor, guide, docent, director, parents have flexibility to change that person
Compulsory attendance laws vary from state to state but usually require a student be present at the school for a minimum of 180 days before advancing to the next grade.	“Compulsory Attendance” does not apply since the child lives there. The focus can be on LEARNING instead of simply ATTENDING.
Children stay with a particular class period for around 45 minutes, and change subjects about 6-7 times per day with curriculum predetermined by a school board appointed by the governor.	Learners that are interested in a particular topic can stay with that topic as long as they are interested.  Some families recognize that learning doesn’t really “stick” if they learner is not interested. Learners can learn more like adults learn outside of school, immersion in the topic with  the goal being mastery. Parents and children can together  determine the learning path.
If a child doesn't feel well, they should try to push through and go, unless they have a fever or are throwing up.	If a child doesn't feel well, parents recognize that they won't really absorb much that day. They can rest until they feel better, read a little in bed, drink fluids and get better.
Committees determine what the curriculum will be for ALL the children of the state. Politics plays a part since school boards are elected positions and the budget is met through taxes.	Parents and children can together determine the academic/educational path for the child.  Families can budget for learning expenses. Several families can band together to share costs. Libraries, used book stores, homeschool book fairs and resource sharing can be used.
Family outings or vacations must take place on weekends, holiday breaks, or in summer time. Unless child has summer school, then work around the school schedule. School schedule usually trumps family desires.	Family outings and vacations can be taken whenever the activity is available. Families only have to work with the parameters of the family's other commitments. - Families can choose times that are best suited for the activity   - Families can choose off-season times for better rates and less crowds
Children connecting with same age children is important. Relating to children in other grades is discouraged.  Relating to teachers is in an Authority: Student format Parents are encouraged not to interfere with the relationships the children have at school. This is seen as the child "learning to cope."	Spending time connecting for family members is important, as these relationships last throughout their lives.  Relating to others with similar interests is what matters - not the age. Relationships with adults in a child's life can be varied in format, not necessarily authoritarian style. Parents can easily see the relationships the child has with adults and other children, and adjustments as necessary to help these relationships be as successful as possible.
Physical activity occurs at set times each day, and in whatever form the curriculum has deemed appropriate.	Families can decide what physical activity to pursue. This is not a one-size -tits-all, but instead can be tailored to the individual need of the child
Fresh air: From the car to the building; loitering is discouraged.	Fresh Air: anytime you want it

Should YOU Unschool?

It's hard when you have found something wonderful, and then you come to realize its not going to work for everyone.  


It’s possible that “anyone” can; but many would have to really live outside their comfort zone, learn and adopt completely new communication styles, change their world view, and maybe even spend some time in therapy getting to the root of why they keep making the same mistakes.  Just to name a few.  So, yes, it’s possible that everyone can do this wonderful thing. But are the chances likely?  Slim to none.

I’m talking about unschooling  your child.  So many times people ask questions, trying to identify if they are the kind of parent that can unschool their child and end up with happy independent adult children.

Perhaps we should look at a list. I love lists! What are the characteristics of “good” unschooling parents? And what would be the sign that this style of homeschooling might not work for you?

Unschooling = A Good Fit	Unschooling = NOT a Good Fit
Parents who enjoy being around their children	Parents who really prefer adult contact and look forward to their kids being happily playing …elsewhere.
Parents who look for pieces of their vacations that will inspire and engage their child to learn more about the area or something new	Parents who prefer vacations FROM their children. It’s a good time for them to bond with Grandma!
Parents who work on not having a shocked or judgemental reaction when their kid tells them something shocking that is going on with them.	Parents who really prefer not to have conversations with kids about controversial or difficult subjects.
Parents who want their child to be happy with their decisions about career goals which may or may not include college; and parents who don’t categorize periods of time in their child’s life by the parameters used in schools.	Parents who see college as the only correct decision after “the high school” years
Parents who speak to their children with respect.	Parents who think children need to toughen up so they won’t get their feelings hurt.  Sarcasm and teasing on sore subjects is common.
Parents who enjoy watching their child weigh out the pro’s and con’s of a decision.	Parents who don’t have time for weighing it out and just want to make the decision for the child and move on.
Parents who let their children read books that make them happy.	Parents who create a booklist and want them to finish THIS list, before reading the books that make them happy.
Parents who are more cheerful.	Parents who have a negative outlook/attitude toward life.
Parents who are creative and enjoy adapting ideas to new situations	Parents who get a little panicky if they have to adapt the information they obtained/purchased.
Parents who believe children are good at their core	Parents who believe children are sneaky or trying to get away with something at their core
Parents who trust that their children will learn, just as birds learn to fly and fish to swim.	Parents who struggle with trust and fear that children will take "the easy road and not get around to learning."
Parents who are ok with letting kids play video games all day, because they know it will lead to something.	Parents who cannot stand it when their child TRIES to play videogames all day - what about the learning???
Parents who are ok with a more tangential approach to learning...one thing leads to something which leads to something else...	Parents who prefer to go through their checklists in a more orderly fashion
Parents who see themselves as mentors and role models, allowing their child to “sit with the grown ups.”	Parents who prefer that the kids hang out somewhere else while the adults talk, or they REALLY like the idea of The Kids’ Table at Thanksgiving. ;)
Parents who enjoy and see value in hearing children’s ideas and ways of approaching situations.	Parents who believe children should be seen and not heard, speak only when spoken to.
Parents who want to give their child academic opportunities because it gives them exposure to various learning opportunities and is a way to fuel new interests or strengthen old ones.	Parents who see academic advantages as advantages they want their child to have to beat out the competition.
Parents who want to role model respect	Parents who use an authoritarian approach, and want to be sure their child understands that they must defer to “the authority”
Parents who are comfortable with thinking for themselves	Parents who need a lot of reassurance
Parents who value flexibility and want to learn about life as each day presents itself.	Parents who really like lesson plans, worksheets, and more schoolish things...too much flexibility leads nowhere.

This is my start at a list. I'm sure I'll have more, and then I'll add to it!

I don’t really understand the push to be called an unschooling parent.   It takes a lot of commitment. It takes a lot of trust. And it takes a lot of effort to keep the child's environment engaging and stimulating. If you find that you have more characteristics that fit with the list on right but you still like the unschooling concepts, fear not! Lots of the time, this is simply a trained mentality that you have from growing up in a school setting. It can be undone, or opened up - if that's what you want to do!  Life is really lived in the Present tense, so past traits aren't necessarily the given. And when we recognize past behaviors and want to change them, well, that's the first step.

So good luck with your child as well as your own self-discovery! I hope you have a long happy loving time learning with your children!




**Because I received a little criticism from this post, I've written some more on the topic:
Black and White... or Gray?

A Hands-On Approach to Parenting

For years, we've heard other parents say, "A house full of teens? Good luck!" And they wander away shaking their head, as if you've already lost some battle. True, the teenage years are full of heightened emotions, raging hormones, self-esteem issues, and basically trying to figure out who they are in this world. These are tough issues! So, why, as a society, would we think we need to take a more hands-off approach to raising teens? These years seem to be much more difficult to figure out than those pre-school years, when we were so incredibly involved. But we try to deal with it in all black or white. Either we look away and hope for the best. Or we tighten the screws to keep them safe. 

Neither really work.

Sometimes, a lot of times really, parents are simply too tired to go head-to-head with our teen in angst. And, it's true that if you come back to it in a day or so, lots of the emotion will have blown away and it's easier to get through the day. But the issues are still just under the surface. This is a missed opportunity on so many levels.


Your teen could learn to face their problems head on. They could see that you are not afraid to go into these treacherous waters WITH them.  They could see you're not afraid to stand by them and face the scary stuff that they are facing each day. You could show them that you think their problems are important, even if they seem petty and small to you. They are obviously causing your teen some difficulties. You can let them know that they are important to you and helping them solve problems is part of the job of parenting.

You might have to bite your tongue. Teens want to be heard - who doesn't? They really want to come to the conclusion on their own. So asking questions is better than telling them what should be done. Even if you think you know. Helping them learn to problem-solve is the key. Not doing it for them.

Relating stories from when you had similar situations as a teen might help. Watch their expressions though. You might be really "getting into" your story of your own teen years, and they are tuning out. Not because your story is dull (I'm sure it's not!) but because the shift of the focus went from them to you. They are the one who is in the middle of a struggle. Keep your story brief. ;-)

So often, they think we cannot relate. Or they're afraid we're going to judge them. Or point out their mistakes. These are the pitfalls to avoid in these parent-teen interactions. While it may sound hokey, they need to know that you are coming from a place of love not worry - because worry implies you think they cannot handle themselves. But from love. You want them to be happy. You want to be their safe place they can run to when their friends stab them in the back. You want to be the one who will not betray them. They will come to trust you, share more with you, and value your input. Win-win.

Pay Attention!

Consider these scenarios...

When I was little, I was one of those children who talked a lot and LOUDLY. I can remember my cousin actually turning to my dad saying, "Does she have a volume button?" Obviously, I did not. Nor did I forget the comment. I tell you this because I want you to know that I get it. My mom, who had an exhausting job, would have to come home to this high energy kid who wanted to talk and talk and talk.  I can remember sitting on the floor while she read the paper or a book and just nodded along at me. I'd ask her, "Are you listening?" "Mhm," would be her reply. Nothing more. I knew she was not listening.

When my kids were little, I was trying to juggle a variety of things at once. My kids were around all the time, since we homeschooled. They were ESPECIALLY around if I was on the phone with someone. Which was often. The internet was just taking off and I was thrilled about talking with other moms from around the country.  My kids would ask me questions and bring something to show me. They'd ask me, "Are you listening?" "Mhm," would be my reply. Nothing more. I wasn't listening to them.

Skip forward another decade and shoe is on the other foot. My teens are sitting with me in the car. I'm asking them something about their day. They're texting on their phone. From the moment they walked out the door, we would have a brief moment of kids "calling shotgun" for the front seat, then they'd be back to non-stop texting.  I'd ask, "Are you listening to me?" "Mhm," would be their reply. Nothing more. They weren't listening. 

I give all three of these scenarios because I think you'll be able to relate to at least one of them. No one was doing anything malicious in any of these situations.  And it didn't happen this way all the time. But people were just caught up in the moment.  Everyone has probably been the victim and the ignorer at some point in their lives. Probably at multiple points in their lives.

But I think as parents who want to do better - as PEOPLE who want to do better - we need to adjust ourselves.  Life flies by quickly. At 50, I'm well aware of that fact.  The people who are in our lives are there because we value them.  They deserve our attention. Real attention. That attention we give indicates to them how much we love them, how we appreciate them, how they MATTER in our lives.

It's a habit of laziness really, a lack of thoughtfulness.  It's not being fully conscious about the every day life decisions we are making. I really want to be present for the people that are in my everyday life. And I want them to be present with me.

If your child wants to talk with you, appreciate them. Give them your full attention. They are mentally noting how you interact with them.  It's telling them their worth and your interest in them. And think of how that translates for later in their life...if a mother is not interested in them, who would be? These are big messages we are conveying and so often, we don't even realize it's happening.

Make an agreement that there will be actual conversation with the person in front of you - your child, your partner, your friend. Put down the texting, stop reading your email, don't glance at your Facebook newsfeed. Let people know that they DO matter to you. Look them in the eyes and really listen to them.